He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
