Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
