brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
