his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
