Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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