Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
