hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
