1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
