so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
