I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
