would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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