I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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