I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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