You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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