Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
