i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
