Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
