Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
