Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
