After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
