You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
