it hurts more in the daytime
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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