So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
