FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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