She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize