hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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