I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
