i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
