He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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