Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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