i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
