My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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