I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
