Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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