well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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