if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize