I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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