Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize