Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
