so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
