the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he shaved USA in his pubs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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