Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
