remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
