If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
