you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
