Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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