and she was petting her beer can
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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