So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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