oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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