I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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