u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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