Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
