It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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