The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
