During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
