the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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