I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
