Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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