I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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