omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
