I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
