he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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