I should be sponsored by Trojan
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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